Why do I Yawn at the Gym??

I don't get it!

• I generally get more than enough sleep, unless I decide to watch porn for 3 hours at night.
• I'm up already for like 5-8 hours before I step foot in the gym.
• I took a pre-workout formula for energy.
• I've got so much blood coursing through my body, that that embarrassing face-vein is beginning to show.
• And I'm scared shitless of all this heavy weight crushing down on me! Why the hell am I yawning??

When you work out muscles, they need oxygen. It is the lack of oxygen taken into the body which makes you yawn, regardless of how awake you are. The more your blood courses through your body, the more you yawn.

IE: Sleeping to waking. You wake. You move. You use blood to do it. You yawn.

You can now go to 1st grade.

So how do you solve this? Simple. Grab the plant you keep in your living room, and lug it around like an incredibly lazy (but probably better looking) workout partner. Plants give off oxygen, so you'll not only help yourself, but everyone around you! You'll be so cool, and everyone will say, "Thank God the guy with the plant is here today!"

"But Angel, I'm too poor to have a houseplant." Or maybe, "But Angel, bringing around a houseplant is unrealistic. Plus my gym charges $10 per guest because they're greedy cunts." Or maybe, "Lugging around a house plant isn't going to help your oxygen levels...especially since most are fake."

You, sir or madam, are right on all accounts. Especially the part about your gym being run by greedy fucks.

But have no fear! If you find yourself yawning while your face vein pulses, there are a few easy ways to remedy it:

1. Don't Eat!

• Lots of people suggest going to the gym on a full stomach. You should never go starving, but being stuffed is kinda...stupid. You might feel the need to vomit, get a cramp, or feel disgusting depending on how much you eat and what it was you ate. If you eat just before going to the gym, especially if the food is processed, then it sits in you colon creating toxins which fill your blood cells, and keep them from retaining the oxygen they carry. You are not a sponge. The only way oxygen is going to course through your body is if it has a place in your red blood cells.
• This is also why taking a poop gives you an awesome amount of energy. #themoreyouknow,andidn'twanttohear!

2. Breathe During Your Workouts!

• Probably the most obvious thing: ingest oxygen by breathing! Most people hold their breath, and take small sips of air (just before passing out), because they haven't trained on breathing properly.

3. Stop smoking!

• You--the one with the cigarette in their mouth. Or the weed stashed in your underwear droor. Yeah. You. Knock it the fuck off. Smoking taints your lungs and therefor your chance at utilizing fresh air. It makes your breath smell. It makes your clothes smell. It makes your teeth yellow. It costs you money you don't need to spend. It causes cancer. And, most importantly, it makes you yawn in the gym. So knock it the FUCK OFF. You're nasty. Everyone hates you.

Have a great DAY at the gym, and I hope you enjoy it without yawning! Questions? Other suggestions for yawners? Leave em below!